“Cutting Ties”
If you have attended church for any extended period of time, odds are you have dealt with church hurt in some capacity. I have dealt with my fair share over the years, and to be honest, I did not handle it in a way that glorifies the Lord. After leaving a church that had deeply wounded me and where leaving was necessary, I proceeded attending every church after with walls up and acting out from past hurts. This caused me to flee at the first sign of conflict when things looked even the slightest bit like that past church. As a result, I was not able to ever call a church home and took up more offenses with every church I attended. I have messed up time and time again, but I serve a God that can put these broken pieces back together. As He has healed me of past hurts and areas where I was struggling to forgive, I was then able to try again. Currently, the Lord has been putting reconciliation on my heart. This subject is not something that I have mastered, but is an area where God has been continually working in my life. This drawing depicts me cutting ties over and over again, but God putting them back together again, represented by the crown of thorns reconnecting the string that has been cut. Under my hand you see the many layers of shadows, representing these hurts layering on top of each other and always following me wherever I tried to run. Through this post, I hope to offer a biblical perspective on hurt and how we should move forward. This is not coming from a place of how I have handled past situations, but from someone who has done everything wrong, but has tried and continues to try to grow through seeking the Lord for wisdom and guidance.
In dealing with church hurt for the first time, I let my anger and bitterness towards the people that hurt me take over. I should have sought to forgive those who have wronged me instead of letting that bitterness overstay its welcome and continually meditating on past offenses. Matthew 18:21-22 states, ‘Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’ This means that we should be infinitely forgiving. This does not mean it will hurt less or that it is any less wrong how you were treated, but it is not yours to hold on to. You should forgive the inexcusable because God forgave the inexcusable in you. I made the mistake of believing that people did not deserve my forgiveness when ultimately, I am no better. We live in a fallen world and all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Looking inward and seeing how you have fallen short in the past allows you to have more grace and forgiveness for others when they fall short as well. Not only is it important to forgive, but being quicker to have those tough conversations and attempting to reconcile is also crucial. Matthew 18:15-17 states, ‘“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.’ How we approach these conversations is very important. When we don’t invite the Holy Spirit into our circumstances, approaching it with kindness and understanding, it is easy to let our emotions and hurt take over the conversation. As this Bible passage implies, with a divisive person, reconciliation is not always possible. However, it is important nonetheless to handle it in a Godly way. The unprovoked hurts and betrayals you have experienced were not your fault, how you handle it after the fact, however, is completely in your control. Jesus died for the people that hurt you too, and loves them just as much as He loves you.
In addition to my anger towards people, I had anger towards God as well. I could not understand why He would let that happen to me. I thought He didn’t care and had a hard time believing He loves me. In doing this, I was living life as though God was a liar, not knowing God’s true character and heart towards people. Caleb Mathis in ‘How I got Over My Church Hurt (Without Losing My Faith)’ states, “I remembered that Jesus never treated any of His followers this way. That He loved me and my family to the point of dying—and he loved the people who hurt me the same way. I remembered His anger at religious leaders who did more damage than good. I remembered his tears when He saw the pain of people He loved. I remembered God’s promises to make all things right in the end. I remembered that my confidence and worth was never designed to come from other people, but solely from the One who created me, who knew me best” (Mathis, 2021). He understands, and He also lived a human life feeling all of the frustration, anger, and grief that we do. God made all of these emotions and it is not a sin to feel them. It is important to bring these emotions to God in prayer, even when they are directed towards Him. When we do this, we invite God into the situation and allow Him to reveal the misconceptions and distorted views that we have towards Him. This can then begin to bring healing to your heart and mind. In addition to prayer, meditating on scripture and what it says about God’s true character and heart towards the church and His people is very beneficial in the healing process. Although it is difficult and painful to move on from past hurts, I have never regretted inviting God into my circumstances and asking Him for help.
References
Mathis, C. (2021, September 7). How I got over my church hurt (without losing my faith). Crossroads Church. https://www.crossroads.net/media/articles/how-i-got-over-my-church-hurt-without-losing-my-faith
NASB: New American Standard Bible. Foundation Publications, Publisher for the Lockman Foundation, 2020
